In the field of dance, a pivot is “a 180-degree turn requiring two weight-shifts to complete.” I think maybe I made the first shift.
I went to Indiana last weekend for my sister’s baby shower. It was a nice quiet trip; the kids were with their dad, and I was surprising Wendy, so no one knew I was there except my mother. We had a really nice time shopping and going out for dinner on Saturday. Did you know they even have a Saks Fifth Avenue in Indy? Hey, things have changed.
On my way home, I was sitting alone on a small plane of only 12 passengers, and it was dark and quiet – a perfect atmosphere for cultivating creative thinking. Instead, I found myself obsessing over an email I needed to return to my ex upon landing with regard to his visitation that week. It suddenly dawned on me (in my core, not just logically) that I was spending entirely too much time thinking about him and our divorce agreement and worrying about his reactions when I stand up for myself. What a waste of time. I decided on the spot to stop it. So I did.
Instead I focused my thoughts on the possibilites of bringing my dreams to reality with a new business of my own. I’ve dreamt of it for years… maybe now it’s time, if I can get past the fears and all the little voices in my head that tell me I’ll fail or that it’s too much of a financial risk that’s surely headed for disaster… that it’s some crazy midlife crisis thing… etc.
I spent all of this week researching and learning and thinking and writing and creating. I can’t believe how quickly Friday rolled around again! I had fun! Oprah’s shows about The Secret have only encouraged me further. I have new ideas popping into my head every day. I’m not ready to share them in this forum quite yet – fears of sounding foolish or having someone use my ideas before I have the chance to begin are keeping me a little quiet for now. But I think maybe I’ve finally found a way to combine doing what I love and making a difference in the world by giving something back, and I’m very excited about that.
Could this be it? Could this be the “moment in time” upon which I will reflect in the future as the pivotal point when I finally took charge of my life and did what I love? Will it change my life forever? Can I really stop being a victim and be… gasp… happy???