I stumbled upon a blog today that discussed the art of seducing women. It was written by a man, which I found slightly humorous. I wonder what research he did on the subject, and if he asked any women for input.

I started to think hard about the scenario that would most impress me.

If a stranger crossed my path during a normal day and wanted to get a date, my dreamy fantasy would be this…

He says, “Excuse me. I couldn’t help but notice you in this crowd. I would love to take you to dinner. Here’s my card. I hope you’ll call and say yes.”

That’s it.

Then he vanishes into the sea of faces, and I am left holding a card, feeling surprised and taken off-guard, thinking that takes guts.

That’s a real man.

With these few words, he has impressed me in the following ways:

  1. He complimented me.
  2. He communicated that he thinks I’m special in a crowd.
  3. He’s willing to spend money for a dinner to get to know me.
  4. He gave me an easy way out of a potentially embarrassing moment by not putting me on the spot for an answer.
  5. He provided an open opportunity for future conversation.

So now, I get to think about that all day – the surprise of it… the romance of it…Unless he smelled bad, or looked like Charles Manson, I’d be inclined to say yes.

Compliment Her

She loves compliments (well, I do, anyway). What she probably doesn’t like is flattery, or too much gushing. Compliment her sincerely or don’t say anything at all. She can spot a fake.

Make Her Feel Special

A woman wants to feel like you have never met another woman like her before in your whole life, and you are certain you never will again. Again, sincerity is key, so please find some good quality in her to focus on that makes her truly stand out in the crowd.

Spend Money on Her (a.k.a. Don’t be a Cheapskate)

You don’t have to be a millionaire to take a woman to dinner, but do the best you can. Don’t just ask her out for a drink; that says, “I’m not really sure if you’re worth my time or money.” Show her you’re willing to make an investment in getting to know her. Don’t try to fudge on this one and substitute lunch. Lunch isn’t serious, and it doesn’t count.

Don’t Put Her on the Spot

It can be very embarrassing for both the man and the woman if the man is very forward and the woman does not find him attractive. Give her a chance to mull it over and compose herself. She might be more likely to say “no” if she feels pressed.

Provide the Means for Future Conversation

Even if you have time to engage in small talk with her on the metro ride, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll ever see her again. She may not feel comfortable giving a stranger her number on the spot, so giving her your card allows her to make a choice and opens the door for contact down the road.

It’s real simple, guys. Be a man. Take a risk.

Ask her to dinner.

17 Comments on “How to Get a Date with a Woman You’ve Never Met

  1. Nice blog for a Redskins fan.🙂Thought you might enjoy this post of mine. < HREF="http://www.bobbarama.com/archives/67" REL="nofollow">Ten Things Men Don’t Know About Women<>Have a great week.

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  2. Hello, I’m the author of the blog that you wrote about, and I kindly disagree with your approach to getting to know yourself. You see, many desirable women have many guys in their life already. Having *yet another guy* who thinks they are attractive is boring. Why would she even bother? I personally very very rarely call any numbers and I instantly throw away any business cards I receive. Its not because I don’t care, its just because I get caught up with life. If the girl has a busy social life, it is very likely that she would never call… not because she doesn’t want to. But because it just skipped her mind.In order for your approach to be successful, the man would have to be very attractive and the girl would have to be actively looking for a man. I believe you said it yourself… only then would she CONSIDER even calling him. Now personally I think you’re making a larger than necessary deal out of spending money on someone. What does that have to do with anything ? I’d rather be with someone who has no money, yet makes me enjoy life. I agree with complimenting someone, as long as its warranted. Good point. However, most men try too hard to compliment women and do it for the wrong reasons. If the woman deserves a compliment, then she will get a genuine compliment. Yes, people can spot a fake. You’re right. But in common situations… do people really deserve compliments? Unless a girl’s doing something extremely special, its likely that she doesn’t deserve one. If I meet a woman, and she tells me about how she just came back from Africa, then I might compliment her on her sense of adventure. Making her feel special is a good point, but that comes later in the relationship. Asking a woman to dinner is boring. I’d rather spend an hour at the zoo with her, THEN have dinner together and catch some desert. If there is no chemistry at the zoo (or any other small activity), then you can always finish the date early. Things should always be natural, you should never get to the point where you put someone on the spot. Why would I put someone on the spot? When I converse with normal people, the conversation flows. The problem is that most guys are average looking (hence the definition of average) and what sets the men apart is their personality, life experience, enthusiasm. By following your suggested approach, none of this would come through. They might be a perfect couple, but they’ll never know because the guy never spoke about himself. Instead, he was focused on handing her a card with his number, so he could go to dinner. To me, that sounds creepy. If a woman came up to me, complimented me on my looks,handed me a card and then ran off… I would think she’s weird, has no balls and is socially awkward. The idea of being trapped in a 2-3 hour dinner with this person would be horrendous. Regardless, I hope you agree to disagree. I’m sure your approach could work, but it would involve 1) the man being PHYSICALLY attractive2) the woman actively searching for a relationship and not having much of a choice in terms of males.

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  3. Dear Art of Seduction,I am thrilled that you took the time to comment on my post, “How to Get a Date with a Woman You’ve Never Met.” Thanks! I guess we all go through life basing our beliefs upon our own personal experiences, which, of course, are widely varied, and so I’m content to “agree to disagree” and bat this subject around for entertainment and the opportunity to hear someone else’s experience.Although my self-esteem hangs by a thread on most days, I do consider myself a reasonably attractive woman, and I can tell you from my experience that I do not have a plethora of men knocking down my door. I also have beautiful, smart, single girlfriends, with whom I have had countless conversations on this subject, and we all have similar desires.I don’t know if you are a man or a woman, but I assume you are writing from a male perspective. You mention first that you rarely call numbers you receive. Well, that’s my first no-no. Girls don’t give men their cards unless the man has expressed interest and asked for it. We want the man to pursue us, not the other way around, unless the woman is the “masculine energy,” in which case my scenario would never work, because women like that go for more passive, “feminine-energy” guys. And believe me, if this situation happened to me in real life, it would never “skip my mind” to call, whether I decided to in the end or not. The minute I got to my destination, I would be on the phone immediately with my best girlfriend, saying, “You aren’t gonna believe what happened to me on the metro this morning!” And I’d be thinking about it all day – yes, even if the guy was butt-ugly.I agree with you that for my dream scenario to work correctly, there must be some attraction. But of course, the woman must be attractive to the man, also, or he’d have no reason to want to take her out. But attraction, for me, is not only on a physical level, and I think most women would agree. We can be wooed. Most guys don’t care about “wooing” anymore. That’s sort of my whole point here.This situation is to help you get your foot in the door – a chance to see her again and continue the wooing and the courting.To your comment about the woman “actively looking for a man…” We are talking about dating here, so I make the assumption that both parties are “datable,” meaning available and willing. I think most single people would be open to dating someone new, even if they weren’t necessarily “on the prowl.”As for the money thing, I didn’t say it had to be a lot of money. Money doesn’t turn me on. (In fact, if a guy were flaunting it, I would be less likely to go out with him. It would say a lot about his character to me.) But dinner is key. Your comment about the walk at the zoo drives this home. You are saying you could more easily end the date early if you need to (as opposed to a long dinner) – you are setting yourself up with an escape route – not the most attractive thing to a woman you are trying to woo. It shows you weren’t that interested in the first place. Dinner is an investment, not just with your money, but with your time and intention. That’s what we want to see.You said, “but in common situations… do people really deserve compliments? Unless a girl’s doing something extremely special, it’s likely that she doesn’t deserve one.” Sorry, but I find this laughable and a little rude. “Doesn’t deserve one?” Why do you want to date her, then? If you don’t think I deserve a compliment unless I take a trip to Africa, then fuck you (nothing personal, just debating here). I would never want to date someone with that mentality.I disagree that “making her feel special” should come later in the relationship. I want to feel special from the first moment. It’s part of the “wooing” process. There is some reason you picked her out of a crowd and wanted to ask her out, so apparently she is special in your eyes somehow… communicate that to her. Most of us love the Cinderella story. The man pursues… he is so enraptured that he looks high and low for her – now that would make me feel special. Anyway, I do thank you for your time and comments. This is an age-old mystery, isn’t it? And the women’s movement has sort of confused the issues… This was merely one single woman’s opinion – my little dating fantasy – and I thought I would share it.Maybe I’ll drop my shoe on the next metro ride…

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  4. I'd be really freaked out by that. Knowing that the only reason he was giving me his card was my appearance and that he was willing to spend money on dinner to see me again purely based on my looks.. I'd think he was like after sex.

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  5. i like that idea a lot, thank you lisa!

    you are very beautiful, that smile of yours is incredible 🙂

    thomas

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  6. Anon,

    I would certainly hope he was after sex… I'd be freaked out if he just wanted to be friends. That would just be weird.

    🙂
    Lisa

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  7. Hey Lisa,

    You are very attractive 🙂 That smile is incredible, indeed.

    Thank you for that post. I'll give that a shot just for the fun of it. 🙂 But I'm only 21, so I'll ask for drinks.. Should be the better way with that age yeah?

    Also I'll use a very simple card, only logo and email address (which contains name) are on there. What do you think about asking for an email instead of a phone call?

    The little less commitment needed by her is going to result in more responses but less quality ones I guess?

    Plus it would be easier to manage, I could hand out like 50 cards on one day and then watch the emails start coming in 😀

    Anyway, thank you very much for that blog entry, my brain loves such ideas 🙂

    Alex

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  8. Alex,

    I've never been a 21-year-old man, but I can imagine at your age that handing out 50 cards in one day in hopes of lining up a month's worth of dates might seem like a good idea.

    There is absolutely nothing remotely romantic about that.

    Slow down… enjoy the ride… one stop at a time. Hold out for one really great girl who takes your breath away.

    Trust me on that.

    Lisa

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  9. Come on people, lighten up! I'm fairly sure that was a joke. (50 cards?)

    I have a couple thoughts here.

    1. I've often joked that I should put the pertinent info on a business card, like an abreviated version of an online personal, and be able to just give them out to whomever. But the problem here is that it would be very tacky. You're thinking that men are shy like women and it would be brave of him. On the contrary, it's not a challenge for a guy to NOT connect with you. A guy is brave if he's willing to start an actual conversation and discern, based on your personality and energy, if he wants to ask you out.

    In your card scenario you'd be highly likely to end up wishing they'd hurry up and bring the bill because you have nothing to say to him all throughout dinner.

    2. If your idea of romance has something to do with Cinderella, I predict you will stay single. No man or woman can live up to a fantasy. On every date you'll be comparing him to an imaginary person in your head. This is a very common flaw in logic and I've read many books and taken workshops and them some to get past it. I suggest “men are from mars/women are from venus” series, “he's just not that into you”, “in the meantime”, and “facing love addiction” to name a few.

    Good luck! I hope it all works out for you. I'm a firm believer that you get out of it what you put into it.

    Take care, Hopscotch

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