This is the first time since I was about 14 (okay, maybe 12) that I haven’t had a boyfriend or a husband. I kinda like it, although maybe it hasn’t been long enough to tell. My relationships have been full of compromises – almost entirely mine – and I’m happy to take a break from sacrificing my wants and needs for those of another person. Now I can truly focus in on what Lisa wants.
In a strange way, my break up with the Belgian has freed me from the constant loneliness I felt. Ironic, huh? I felt a consistent sadness and sense of loss when we were apart, and a frustration that it would probably never be any different.
But, like magic, suddenly I have energy to do the good things I know I need to do for myself, and I don’t feel lonely at all.
What has changed?
I go to the gym almost every day, and while I don’t always have one-on-one conversations, some of the faces are becoming familiar, and I feel like I belong there. Attending the same classes and having the same teachers teach the same routines is comforting to me.
I take baths more often; I use essential oils.
I’ve softened my attitude.
I quit trying so hard.
Cycling out of my junk-food lethargy has brought me focus and clarity. I can connect better with my kids and with friends.
I just feel “good vibrations,” if you will. The world is right. All is well.
I’m so excited to be peeling away the layers of this fat suit I’ve been wearing since July. Shedding the shell… and underneath lies Lisa in a fresh new form. I will look different. I will feel different. Yet, at the core, I will be Lisa. Authentic Lisa. Lisa who has worked and fought and cried and pushed and pulled and finally yielded to this process of change and discovery.
This morning I set a goal of June 1st to lose my weight. That’s an average of 2 pounds a week, plus 6 extra weeks for unexpected setbacks. I’ll post a photo on that day, regardless of what the scale says.
And now… back to the craft table I go. And after that, it’s torture time with Gigi at the gym.