Cleaning out the old makes room for the new. Removing my clinging grasp from the junk of my past leaves me with open arms to embrace the present and the future.
This is why I’ve been so quiet lately (well, one of the reasons):
It’s time. I’ve felt it coming on for awhile… I felt the movement and subtle shifts of things in my life and in my thoughts and I knew change was coming. Now it’s here. I’m in the middle of it. And Anxiety and Frustration and Worry and Exhilaration and Fear are running like wild horses inside of me. The voices of logic are constantly cautioning me to be careful and not to make a “mistake.” Others are telling me it’s downright impossible.
But I know it’s not true. I’ve already moved into this house in my mind.
I live there, and I’m happy and content. My new kitchen is a dream – even better than the grand-scale kitchen of my former McMansion. The house is perfectly sized, and perfectly designed for me. If I were to custom build the thing, I don’t believe I would change any of it. I love open floor plans and unique designs; the traditional exterior of this place doesn’t give you any clue at all about the surprises contained inside.
I will have my front porch. I will have my garage (two stalls). I will have my fireplace and my whirlpool bathtub and all of the things on my list, including a neighborhood with sidewalks and playgrounds and safe places for my kids to run around and play.
The community reminds me of my beloved Virginia, with small lots and grids of homes woven together with pretty streets and landscaped traffic circles. Neighbors can say hello from their front porches, and I can keep an eye on the kids from the kitchen window.
The children are on board, for the most part. The girls are worried about changing schools, but the younger one seems okay about that if she’ll have her own room. The older one is in high school, and change is a little harder for her. Right now, we live about 30 minutes away from her school. Would you believe the new house is 7 miles from that school? I was disoriented after my first visit there, and I was completely surprised to hear that.
The only thing standing in my way at this moment is unemployment. I need a job to get my mortgage. I’ve turned job-hunting into a full-time job itself, which has left me little time for blogging or communicating with online friends.
But I’m still here.