Month: November 2008

The Bad Behavior of Bullies

I now see why young kids get so distressed that they end up taking their own lives when they are forced to endure the bad behavior of bullies. Of course, I know that there are alternative ways to deal with my emotional pain, but sometimes that seems like the only solution that will make it all stop hurting immediately and permanently. But then my … Read More The Bad Behavior of Bullies

Post Thanksgiving Pondering

I wasn’t so thankful on Thanksgiving. I didn’t make time for that, although my stress level stayed manageable throughout the long day of cooking and preparations, at least until the very last minute when everything had to be hot and on the table at once, so that’s an improvement I can be proud of. And, of course, Mr. N/A had to call, not once, … Read More Post Thanksgiving Pondering

The Dizzy Dance

This is one of those icky days, when my emotions started off okay and then got spun around by Mr. N/A till I felt dizzy and sick and mad at myself for dancing the dance instead of sitting it out. I still wish he would’ve just loved me. I wish he could love me now, even if we are divorced. I wish he could … Read More The Dizzy Dance

Getting Things Done

I’m plum-tuckered out. Sometimes I get tired because I’m down in the dumps and have no energy. Sometimes I whine about having too much to do, and then I sit on my butt for hours on a Saturday watching some stupid romance-novel movies on Lifetime. But right now, every waking moment is filled with activity, and even now, as I sit here typing this, … Read More Getting Things Done

Odds and Ends

It’s Day 11 of my exercise-habit forming time. Tonight I laced up my dancing shoes and went to my favorite Groove class at the gym. You might remember… the one that got me all turned on… I still don’t like some of the things I see in the mirror. My image does not yet reflect back to me what I’m feeling on the inside, … Read More Odds and Ends

Mindful Habits

I’m 8 days into my exercise habit. I’ve heard it takes 26 days to get into a new routine, so I guess I’ve got 18 to go. I feel good about it this time – like I just might really make it. I’m so tired of this body. It doesn’t feel like me anymore.The other night on the treadmill, I finally felt that elusive … Read More Mindful Habits

The Rules of the Garage

This beautiful HP campaign poster hangs in my office building: The Rules of the Garage. Believe you can change the world. Work quickly keep the tools unlocked, work whenever. Know when to work alone and when to work together. Share – tools, ideas. Trust your colleagues. No politics. No bureaucracy. (These are ridiculous in a garage.) The customer defines a job well done. Radical … Read More The Rules of the Garage

Bed Bugs

I feel sick. I’m tired and cranky and I can’t focus well. I need to rest, but the demands on me over the next couple of months won’t allow it. I don’t need to be taken care of, but I sure would like it. I want someone to whisk me away from my daily grind and pamper me until I feel better. Being the … Read More Bed Bugs

Glimpses of Light on a Dark Day

Photo by lahightower My drive to and from work saved me this week. The weather is typical for Fall… dreary, rainy, dark – which exaggerates the contrast between the grey sky and the colorful trees. Certain areas of my town, and certainly all of Princeton, is positively glowing from the radiant hues. Brilliant lemon yellow, pumpkin orange, and crimson leaves are still falling here, … Read More Glimpses of Light on a Dark Day

Les Miserables

I felt like shit this past weekend. Truly. Still do. I waffle between trying to find a way out of my funk and settling into it like a comfortable pair of old sweats. I thought a lot about my marriage and my continued abusive relationship with my ex. Is there any way out? Are there more lessons for me to learn? How exactly did … Read More Les Miserables

Old Hurts

Recently, I’ve had twinges of pain about some of the hurtful things my ex did during our marriage. He was not a good husband. I noticed it the other day when I was reliving a particularly awful time and felt my eyes get teary. It’s easier just to be mad. Last night, I finally watched the Sex and the City movie that I missed … Read More Old Hurts