to accept the things I cannot change,
to change the things I can,
and the wisdom
to know the difference.
Such a simple prayer, but it packs a big punch. Today, I’m struggling with the last part. How do I know when to quietly accept my circumstances and when to stand up for myself?
Mr. N/A has been very quiet as we await our day in court. (Things have been adjourned until April 24th due to the judge’s full schedule.) Last week I needed to confirm some dates with him regarding the kids’ Spring Break, so I emailed him reluctantly.
Last year, we arranged Spring Break time so that I got 3 of the 5 days with the understanding that we would do the same for him this year, each of us essentially sacrificing a half-day of our holiday time each season.
My girls are telling me that this year the school system is taking away 2 days of their Spring Break to make up for 2 snow days. Seems a little strange, but they both go to different schools and had the same story.
So I emailed Mr. N/A to inform him of this and to verify that it’s okay for us to split the missing days between us, giving him 2 days and keeping 1 for myself. He waited several days before responding, and then feigned confusion, eliciting another email from me in which I tried to explain the situation more clearly. He responded with another “confused” email and said that we already have an agreement in place for this year, and he doesn’t see the need to discuss it. He attached the original agreement we made last year that said I would get 3 days last year, and he would get 3 days this year, which, of course, was designed with the assumption of a 5-day break.
He says he plans to keep the children through his 3 days, and I should plan around that. Consequently, I get 0 days of holiday time with the kids – zippo – nada.
He is a dick.
I know he’s a dick – he has always been a dick – and yet, it stuns me that he could ever justify such an insane version of fairness.
So, my dilemma is this:
Serenity – Do I simply let go, and let him be a dick and eat the vacation time quietly? I can imagine much more serenity in that scenario than in spending money I don’t have on a court motion and trying to reason with an unreasonable person, all for one Wednesday of vacation time with my kids.
Courage – Or, am I just being a big coward? Of course, I would l like to spend a day with my kids, and of course, I am tired of being bullied. Am I afraid to change the things I can because it’s going to be hard and stressful?
I get so twisted in dealing with Mr. N/A that I become unsure of myself and unsure of my judgment. I think my solution to the Spring Break problem is fair. But am I so caught up in ensuring justice that I’m making myself miserable? Are being “happy” and being “right” mutually exclusive? Must I sacrifice my rights in order to be happy?