Maybe Forrest Gump’s decision to put his past behind him by running coast to coast until he was done was brilliant, after all.
I have a goal to run 500 miles in 2011. (That doesn’t count any walking. I’m only counting running miles.) I’m pretty far behind schedule between my health and the weather.
Today I did my longest run ever – 7.1 miles. I have no idea what prompted that, as I began with the intention of running 3 miles, and I was merely hoping to survive that. My body entered some floating, zen-like state, while my mind remained crisp and clear and in the present moment, acutely aware of the black pavement passing beneath every stride. My breath was consistent and easy; it felt so good to be able to breathe deeply after my long winter battle.
It feels good to breathe after my 5-year divorce battle.
I had no idea where I was going on today’s jaunt – I just kept running. I had my gadgets to track my distance and time, and I just ran here and there and everywhere until I thought I needed to stop to get some work done. I hardly broke a sweat. I was not exhausted or short of breath. I am not sore. In fact, I feel pretty damn terrific.
Sometimes I surprise myself by doing things I never ever thought I could do. Fear has held me captive with negative messages and old ideas based on untruths I’ve been told. Fear told me I would get hurt or “it’s not okay.” Fear told me to avoid risks and play it safe. Fear said I had to be in an elite group to do some of the things I always wanted to do.
I didn’t know my path after the divorce, either. I just kept going. Got the kids. Rented a house. Got a job. Bought a house. Dug a flower bed. Put out the trash. Shoveled my driveway. One foot in front of the other. And here I am, doing things I never thought I could do, having things I never thought I could have, and experiencing things that previously existed only in my fantasies.
And life is good. Really good.
I think I’m finally – finally – leaving the past behind me, enjoying the run, and headed no place in particular.