When I was a young girl, I remember lying awake at night in my bed, going over the day’s events in my mind and counting the number of “good” and “bad” things that happened. Then I would decide if I felt happy or upset. It seems so silly, but I guess I do that unconsciously as an adult, too. I wasn’t thrilled about my race last weekend until I found out I set a personal best. Then I was over the moon. My thoughts control my feelings.
Today started off with a bang at 5 a.m. when I popped out of bed and went about my pre-run morning routine. The information from the scale immediately went into the “fucking awesome” category, if there is one of those on my mental tracking list. I really can’t believe how well this new food plan is working for me. It is a miracle – thank you, Universe.
My run was “eh.” The 5-milers are becoming a bit of a bore now, since it’s not enough time to really let go of much.
The daily grind added excitement and adrenalin to the mix, though. I think I’ve finally met my match in sarcastic wit, and I can never really tell what this guy’s thinking, which provides me with hours of free entertainment and keeps my mind from sprinting off down Doom-and-Gloom Drive. I’m usually pretty good at reading people, but this one… not so much. I love a good challenge.
This executive pointed out to me today that who I appear to be to him and who I tell him I am don’t sync up. (Like anything he says and does syncs up.) When I am venting and showing off and expressing myself, I suppose I’m tapping in to the more masculine side of myself, which happens to be beneficial in the work environment. I am Tough Girl – in a dress and 5” heels – and I don’t take any shit.
But I complain that I’m too soft – that I’m insecure and unsure. He doesn’t believe me.
This whole blog began as an experiment to discover and embrace each of my different roles and personalities. Work is a wonderful venue to mix it up. Masculine traits such as assertiveness and bold egotism blended with the ever-feminine blushing demureness and open sharing of my Self make me feel vibrant and alive.
So it will be interesting to see who I am in this corporate world dominated by male leaders. I think it’s a good place for me – and my sarcastic wit.
I can bring home the bacon, but I will never ever forget I’m a woman.