Yesterday I doubled up my runs with a 5k race in the morning followed by 18 long, slow miles back home in the countryside. I much preferred the latter.
Hill Road is becoming one of my favorite parts of my training, falling in nicely around miles 9-11 and giving me a burst of energy and confidence. I have a long way to go before I can say I’ve mastered hills, knowing the mountains that some of my running friends attack regularly. But for me, I’m coming along, and I’m pretty happy about that.
My survival skills are getting better, too, as I’m discovering a mild resilience to all of the bullshit that threatens my sanity and health at the moment. I’m pulling tricks out of my running bag – visualizing the freedom I feel on Hill Road after my body has settled into a rhythm and my head is finally empty of everything except Love and Gratefulness.
Maybe my body is exhausted. Maybe I’m a little uncomfortable. Maybe, maybe, I’m looking forward to the long, hot shower at the end of this endurance run. But I’m doing it, god damn it. I’m getting through it. And when I’m done, I will be stronger and better for the experience.
And maybe, just maybe, I can find a little Love along the way. Those darling white butterflies at my side… the baby horses with their moms in the rolling pastures… the mental identification of the trees from the shapes of their leaves like my dad taught me when I was a kid… Fill me up with joy and take me out of my head and my body for a moment, while my spirit soars in the space around me like a free bird, kissing my heart and recharging my soul.
I am going to be okay.
It’s going to be okay.
It’s fucking perfect.