Month: October 2012

The Day After

I laced up my shoes and headed out for my usual 5-mile loop in the countryside to survey the storm damage.   I turned out of my neighborhood and immediately saw the first make-shift road closing.  I ducked under the yellow police tape and stayed far away from the downed tree and the power line.  I trudged on. I purposefully left my headphones at home; … Read More The Day After

Whatcha Want?

The other night I had a sudden pang of loneliness as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to come.  It hurt more than usual, so I let myself feel the sting of it, and then I got serious with myself.   What was I missing?  Did I really wish I had a man next to me?  Really?  No, I decided, that wasn’t it, because … Read More Whatcha Want?

Fear Less

What happens when fear creeps in to a loving heart?  Worry, stress, upset, stomach aches, dull skin, tired eyes, chronic tearfulness and too much god damn thinking.  I’m exhausted. Fear is everything that love is not.  Fear is closed up – impatient, anxious, tight, holding on, needing… an open heart that becomes afraid begins to shut down and hoist up walls of protection from … Read More Fear Less

In Full Bloom

I feel so happy I’m on the brink of tears.  It’s a damn good life.   My world is still in limbo.  Questions remain unanswered.  The future is an unknown.  And I’m good.  I can’t believe it.   I find myself in such an ethereal place – it’s so hard to find earthly words to tell the story… Feeling the connection between my head, my … Read More In Full Bloom

Pole Dancing

I was digging through my blog the other day to find an old post about the concept of sexual polarity – the passionate tug of the masculine and the feminine.  My internet links back to the source were outdated, so I googled the author, who has a whole new website since I last visited.   And I found gold. Everything – I mean everything – … Read More Pole Dancing

Deep Cleansing Breaths

I’m cleaning house at a more detailed level than usual; it takes a long time.  And, in true spiritual fashion, I’m uncovering a lot more than candy wrappers in the couch and dead spiders in the corners by going deep.  Tiny glimpses of awareness and quick breaths of “ah-ha’s” are dancing in my face and begging me to emerge from the funky-funk into an … Read More Deep Cleansing Breaths

Smells Like Funk

I’m in a funk.  I hate the funk.  But what I’ve learned from being in previous funks is that 1) it won’t last forever, and 2) good things usually follow.  I’m still shoveling food in my face at a pretty good pace, but I’m eating healthfully in between the crap.  And tomorrow I run 19 miles, so that’ll burn off some of it.  I’ve … Read More Smells Like Funk

I’m in a Bind

Coach has been gallivanting all week, and I’ve been left to my own devices at the gym.  I hit it hard, partly to prove to myself that I’m capable of carrying on with my workout routine without him, and partly to compensate for my voracious appetite the past few days.  (I’m stuffing my face as I type.) UPS Guy was conspicuously quiet after last … Read More I’m in a Bind

Secure the Perimeter

What does it mean to be secure in a relationship?   To me, security means I feel happy, not bad.  It means I feel loved, not bull-shitted.  It means I feel grateful, not “less-than.”  I used to believe that my partner controlled whether or not I felt secure, but I see clearly now that it’s completely my responsibility.   If I know another person loves me … Read More Secure the Perimeter

Take Me to the Gym or Lose Me Forever

I’m finally starting to see some visible changes in my body, and it’s about damn time, really.  I mean, c’mon… I’ve run 2020 miles in the last 21 months, and I’m no stranger to the gym.  The majority of my diet consists of fruits and vegetables and most things healthy.  So, I think I’m entitled to see some fucking results.  My weight hasn’t changed … Read More Take Me to the Gym or Lose Me Forever