My world is still in limbo. Questions remain unanswered. The future is an unknown. And I’m good. I can’t believe it.
I find myself in such an ethereal place – it’s so hard to find earthly words to tell the story…
Feeling the connection between my head, my heart, and my body is mind-blowing. What is happening to me at this stage of life that has put me into such a heavenly state?
Of course running must get some of the credit. My head is clearing. The long runs help to slow down the tornados in my brain. Consequently, I’m so much more aware of both my body and my heart. My body has been so very good to me – supporting me in ways I never dreamed possible for a non-athlete like me. I continue to be amazed with its capabilities. I love pushing the limits and feeling it yield to my demands. I love thinking “I can’t,” and watching my body respond with a surprising, “Just watch me.”
And everything opens up on the runs, especially my heart. While my head is emptying out, my heart is filling up with all manners of love. Last weekend, around mile 8 of 19, I watched seven magnificent horses running through the fields. The chestnut-colored leader was obviously in his happy place, with the others following his every move. He turned, they turned. He ran, they ran. Faster and faster they went, with their flowing manes flying behind them like a scene from a Disney drama that could make you cry. How could anyone watch that and not be moved, I wonder? And to be in it – not just watching from a window – to be right there on the other side of the fence, running myself, sharing the pure joy of running with these beautiful, strong creatures was… paradise.
And the more I open up, the more I receive.
My workouts at the gym with Coach have made a major contribution as well. I get some of the same benefits from weight-lifting and cross-training as I do from running. And Coach challenges me in ways I would probably never attempt to challenge myself, so everything is a stretch from the familiar and comfortable and into some new experience that always leaves me smiling in the end, even if I complain a little along the way or give him the “mean face” he continually points out to me.
But my gifts from Coach go beyond our fitness regimen. He reflects back to me parts of myself that I’ve never seen before, and again and again I find myself in uncharted territory – reaching beyond my formerly self-limiting thoughts and attitudes and looking at myself and others in a whole new light. The energy of our friendship has become very special to me, and I’m grateful every day for the circumstances that brought about this unusual connection.
And as my body is beginning to show signs of midlife change, I find myself embracing the side-effects that no one ever talks about. The improved self-confidence… the fearlessness… the bright glow of femininity… the acceptance of all of the beautiful parts of being a woman and loving myself exactly where I am today and for wherever I may be tomorrow, regardless of whether or not I have a man in my life or if I’m having sex.
Until recently, I have been but a germinating seed. Now, the flower begins to unfold… just like my unwritten story…