I felt numb when I woke up out of a fitful sleep of strange nightmares. I re-examined my feelings in the shower – still nothing. I felt empty. All morning I tried to figure it out – was I going to open up or shut down? It was anyone’s guess.
I tried so hard to stay calm, even when I felt afraid. I went for a run and did my best to take care of myself, even when I felt afraid. I allowed the Universe to move and work its magic, even when I felt afraid.
And then I felt the numbness fall away like a discarded garment and Love filled all the spaces where fear had been hiding and illuminated my soul and my face and my mind.
I felt everything inside of me open up and yield to the power that is greater than myself. Only then could I let go of my anger and bitterness and any desire to numb-out by giving my body away to men I care nothing about. I don’t want to do that. I don’t need to punish anyone – especially not myself.
I deserve Love.
I have no answers; I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, other than Love. For me, there is nothing else but that, for Love is everything.
Love is really, truly everything.