I felt numb when I woke up out of a fitful sleep of strange nightmares.  I re-examined my feelings in the shower – still nothing.  I felt empty.  All morning I tried to figure it out – was I going to open up or shut down?  It was anyone’s guess. 
I tried so hard to stay calm, even when I felt afraid.  I went for a run and did my best to take care of myself, even when I felt afraid.  I allowed the Universe to move and work its magic, even when I felt afraid.
And then I felt the numbness fall away like a discarded garment and Love filled all the spaces where fear had been hiding and illuminated my soul and my face and my mind.
I felt everything inside of me open up and yield to the power that is greater than myself.  Only then could I let go of my anger and bitterness and any desire to numb-out by giving my body away to men I care nothing about.  I don’t want to do that.  I don’t need to punish anyone – especially not myself. 
I deserve Love.
I have no answers; I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, other than Love.  For me, there is nothing else but that, for Love is everything.   
Love is really, truly everything. 

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