I’m super-excited, because it’s Friday, my daughter is home, and tomorrow begins a big week packed with lots of holiday celebrations. I have a lot to do to prepare.
My fitness regimen is high on the priority list since fitting into my party dress is critical. Today at the gym, Coach challenged me to a clean and press with the big bar and seemed genuinely surprised that I did it. I feel like a baby lifting a bar with no weights on it, but it was heavy enough as it was.
It’s interesting to me how much I crave his approval – maybe because I’m beginning to trust that he doesn’t bullshit me, so if he says it’s good, it’s good. And if I do something wrong, I hear about that, too, so I can work to improve. I do appreciate honesty.
We had a good week, the Coach and I, and I am starting to feel more comfortable in our relationship. I respect him so very much, and I suppose in my growing up I learned that respect and fear were somewhat synonymous (with my father commanding the first by instilling the latter), so I wasn’t quite sure how to behave around him for a long time.
While I have a few close people in my life who know me extremely well, I can say I’ve never met anyone who could articulate instant feedback for me based on my facial expressions like he can. He just knows me. It’s uncanny.
Maybe he’s this perceptive with all people, and that’s why he’s so good at what he does.
And every once in awhile, he challenges me to try a set with his weight stack. Sometimes I humor him with a faint glimmer of wishful thinking that I might surprise us both by at least budging it. I can throw my entire body into it, but it’s always like trying to move a brick wall. I can’t do it. I don’t know how in the hell he can push and pull that much weight around. It’s fucking impressive.
There must be some huge value in learning how to be myself around someone so strong. My previous role models for powerful men were intimidating and frightening, and I completely lost myself in their presence, living in fear and upset. What a gift to begin to let down my guard and live in Love around this mighty man.