As 2012 draws to a close, I’m in a reflective mood.  This year, I practiced living in the moment and staying more present and awake.  I experienced the sensation of opening myself up and being receptive to living in Love.  I know what it feels like to choose Love over Fear.  I pushed my limits – hard – and surprised myself.  I got stronger.  I didn’t quit.  I practiced consistency and determination.  I took risks.  And I brought home 7 long-distance race medals.  
I… lived.  I lived my life fully and completely and as honestly as I possibly could.   
I reaped huge benefits.  Huge.
I discovered it can be a little tricky living in the moment if the moment happens to feel bad.  If I don’t look behind me at the wonderful gifts I’ve been given, and I don’t look ahead to my dreams, I’m stuck in the muck of a moment that sucks.  With my all-or-nothing personality, that can lead to overwhelming despair and heartache. 
Today is not the end of the world.  Tomorrow comes with a sense of certainly that necessitates calendars and some planning.  And tomorrow’s moment may be my very best one yet. 
Tonight, as my children visit their father and I am left with a deafening silence for a few days, I am dreaming about my future moments and recognizing the fact that this one is exactly as it should be.  The perfection of the Universe can’t get it wrong.  It just can’t.  And whatever series of events can lead me to thinking otherwise is nothing more than a cloud masking a brilliant sunshine. 
I have to credit Coach for this nugget of Truth today.  When he urged me to use this week to recharge, prepare for my children’s return, and get ready for our vigorous workout regimen for 2013, I had one of those unforgettable “ah-ha” moments when the world makes perfect sense and I feel a zap of knowledge deposited directly from the heavens to my brain.
When running a marathon, I would never ever get stuck on one particular painful step of over 40,000 and dwell on it.  It would be an agonizing 26.2 miles if that were the case.  Every single step I need to take to finish the race is critical.  All of them.  Why would I view a moment in my life any differently than that?  And why would I ever fix my gaze downward and not peek to see what lies ahead? 
I’m beginning to feel safe when considering my future instead of apprehensive and scared.  I’m beginning to feel loved.  And I’m beginning to believe that not everyone will disappear from my life just as I begin to tear down those walls I’ve erected and trust.
It’s like the difference between running in the daylight and running at night.  Even with a headlamp, running in the dark can be slower and stressful due to a tentative step and a fear of taking a tumble.  Being able to see where I’m going and feel confident in my stride makes for a much more pleasurable trip. 
As I contemplate the upcoming new year and review the past one, I hope I can keep my heart open wide and move full-steam ahead.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.   
~ Henry David Thoreau

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