Sitting here, nursing my sore ass and quads, watching Oprah interviews in front of a fire, I really can’t imagine having the responsibility of a traditional relationship right now.
I don’t want to take care of anyone, and I don’t want anyone fussing over me unless I’m paying them to do so. I don’t want any obligations and I don’t want to owe anything to anyone.
I don’t want to share my bed, my closets, or my remote. Not right now.
But I do want to love and be loved. I need that.
Refusing to fall into the dating trap and allowing love to come into my life without all of the usual expectations of society is, I think, one of the best gifts I’ve ever given myself.
Reviewing my posts, it’s pretty obvious I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I must be doing something right.
What did I do? I removed the “should’s” from my life. I try my best every day to keep my heart open, even when it feels scary. Especially when it feels scary. I try not to have expectations. I’m learning to trust. I gratefully recognize and receive gifts with Love.
I’m letting go, and in yielding control, I am being filled up. It’s like sex, really. I have to open up, relax, and let Love ravish me, strong and firm.
I’m so fucking happy.