So many thoughts in my head…
I had a relaxing run today through the countryside. The wind died down quite a bit, and a slower target pace always makes me happy. I chose a combo route that took me through some remote areas with very quiet roads, and I found some solace there. I intentionally added some gentle hills, and I love that they no longer pose the threat to me they once did.
Again, I felt the strange ability to shift gears at will with my mind and control my speed and stride with minimal impact on my body. It knows what to do.
I thought about how far I’ve come in the last two years since I took up this insane, life-changing hobby. I no longer need ice baths after a long run; my recovery is fast and relatively painless. My pace has quickened tremendously – my slow run today was 45 seconds faster than my marathon race pace last spring. My muscles and my bones and my insides have adapted to the stress I’ve put upon my body, and everything works together better to help me run more efficiently. My stomach has become stronger – I can eat just about anything reasonable before a run. My heart has enlarged and has learned how to work less to keep my blood flowing through my veins. It’s such a miracle the way our bodies adapt to our needs.
I thought about how excited I am to run the first of two 20-mile training runs next weekend and how the weather is supposed to be divine. I thought about what it will take to prepare for a 50-mile race, and I’m looking forward to scheduling that out next year. I thought about the usual things, too – relationships and sex and love and longing, and I really don’t know where I am with all of that.
I miss sex. A lot. And in some ways, strangely I feel almost like a virgin. I’ve not yet had a sexual experience while in this new state of being (for me) called Love. I don’t know what that feels like. I can only imagine what it is to be completely open while receiving my favorite kind of physical pleasure from someone I love truly, madly, and deeply. It’s a wonderful fantasy, but I so much want to feel it for real. I want to experience that electricity of kissing passionately and touching each other in all the right places while my heart and soul are wide open and vulnerable.
I know exactly what I want, but…
And I thought about my aching triceps (since Wednesday) and my sore abs, and I credit Coach with pushing me a little harder than usual this week, which I absolutely love. I look forward to whatever he has in store for me tomorrow, since my gym workouts and my runs are my primary physical outlets for all that pent-up sexual energy.