Month: May 2013

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

It feels so good to feel so good. Today was Arm Day.  I really think it demands a reverent “Holy” in front of it.  At least I can say I was still mostly calm – except for my favorite part that always charges me up.  Nothing I can do about that except enjoy the ride.  Holy Arm Day should be forever memorialized by a … Read More Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Eye of the Hurricane

He told me he could tell the minute I walked onto the gym floor; I was calm.  He was right. The long run saved me. Coach’s face-reading skills are impressive.  I left my worries and my upset out there on the trail, and today I feel like I can face the world again.  Nothing has changed, of course, as Coach reminded me, but certainly … Read More Eye of the Hurricane

Dirty German

A Dirty German pulled me back from the edge of despair yesterday.   It was a stupid decision on many levels to run that race.  I had never trained for the distance, my hip is still healing, and after 3 weeks of barely running (or any other cardio), my fitness level felt compromised. But I showed up.  Just show up.  I wanted to run the … Read More Dirty German

Broken, but Still Good

Yeah, still good. Despite my best efforts today, none of my tools seemed to pull me out of my worry and Fear.  I dumped on someone I care about – I hate doing that.  But I recognize that I’m reaching my limits, and I’m just stuck.  I don’t know how to help myself.  I’m doing all the wrong things – focusing on the negatives, … Read More Broken, but Still Good

Progress, not Perfection

It’s only Friday and I already checked off two items on my Pull Yourself Together list. I completed Part 1 of my Home Depot project, which, by the way, was not as easy as the DIY video made it seem.  Plus, it was 57 degrees and raining – not exactly the conditions depicted in the clip.  I’m not sure how fulfilling the process was, … Read More Progress, not Perfection

Long Weekend

I kicked off my Memorial Day Weekend with an early-morning trip to Home Depot.  The parking lot was mostly empty except for a few expected contractors and a couple of bored old ladies who’d probably been up for hours.  I decided I needed a creative project to occupy my fidgeting hands and to distract my wandering mind. I found my materials and casually waved … Read More Long Weekend

Back to School

The past few days have been one hell of a ride, but I landed on my feet with a smile on my face, even if there’s a residual tickle in my tummy. I don’t remember a lot of details.  I was pretty focused on one specific idea and I had to work very hard to reel myself back in for a reality check. I … Read More Back to School

Wanted

This afternoon I did a poor job of staying in Love, and I let Fear grab me.  Fear brings the most horrible emotions with it – rejection, disappointment, victimization and a demanding attitude.  I don’t want any of those to possess my heart. Sometimes I get so locked in on something I want – something that just sounds way too good to be true … Read More Wanted

Sexual Healing

Looking back over my past big relationships, it’s interesting that sex (lack of) was a major issue in all of them.  Whether it was distance, lack of interest on his part, or other things, I never seemed to match up with my partner in terms of frequency or fulfillment. During this time of self-imposed celibacy, I’ve thought about it a lot, actually, and I … Read More Sexual Healing

Here We Go…

This weekend was too short, but I’m looking forward to whatever the new week brings my way.  As long as I can keep Fear at bay and stay with Love, nothing can hurt me.  Nothing. The near future promises more changes – I’m a little breathless.  Still lots of unknowns, but I’m doing my best to trust the Universe and open up to the … Read More Here We Go…

Hair of the Dog

Today’s 5k in the local country vineyards was a confidence-builder and a learning experience.  It truly was a taste of the hair of the dog that bit me – in this case, the New Jersey Marathon. After 11 non-running days due to a strained hip muscle and other assorted shit, I haven’t felt too secure in my running improvements that I’ve made this year.  … Read More Hair of the Dog

Gratitude

I’m at a loss for words.  Imagine that. With tears in my eyes, I thank the Universe for every good and wonderful thing in my life.  It just keeps getting better and better…