Month: May 2013
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
It feels so good to feel so good. Today was Arm Day. I really think it demands a reverent “Holy” in front of it. At least I can say I was still mostly calm – except for my favorite part that always charges me up. Nothing I can do about that except enjoy the ride. Holy Arm Day should be forever memorialized by a … Read More Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Eye of the Hurricane
He told me he could tell the minute I walked onto the gym floor; I was calm. He was right. The long run saved me. Coach’s face-reading skills are impressive. I left my worries and my upset out there on the trail, and today I feel like I can face the world again. Nothing has changed, of course, as Coach reminded me, but certainly … Read More Eye of the Hurricane
Dirty German
A Dirty German pulled me back from the edge of despair yesterday. It was a stupid decision on many levels to run that race. I had never trained for the distance, my hip is still healing, and after 3 weeks of barely running (or any other cardio), my fitness level felt compromised. But I showed up. Just show up. I wanted to run the … Read More Dirty German
Broken, but Still Good
Yeah, still good. Despite my best efforts today, none of my tools seemed to pull me out of my worry and Fear. I dumped on someone I care about – I hate doing that. But I recognize that I’m reaching my limits, and I’m just stuck. I don’t know how to help myself. I’m doing all the wrong things – focusing on the negatives, … Read More Broken, but Still Good
Progress, not Perfection
It’s only Friday and I already checked off two items on my Pull Yourself Together list. I completed Part 1 of my Home Depot project, which, by the way, was not as easy as the DIY video made it seem. Plus, it was 57 degrees and raining – not exactly the conditions depicted in the clip. I’m not sure how fulfilling the process was, … Read More Progress, not Perfection
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Long Weekend
I kicked off my Memorial Day Weekend with an early-morning trip to Home Depot. The parking lot was mostly empty except for a few expected contractors and a couple of bored old ladies who’d probably been up for hours. I decided I needed a creative project to occupy my fidgeting hands and to distract my wandering mind. I found my materials and casually waved … Read More Long Weekend
Back to School
The past few days have been one hell of a ride, but I landed on my feet with a smile on my face, even if there’s a residual tickle in my tummy. I don’t remember a lot of details. I was pretty focused on one specific idea and I had to work very hard to reel myself back in for a reality check. I … Read More Back to School
Wanted
This afternoon I did a poor job of staying in Love, and I let Fear grab me. Fear brings the most horrible emotions with it – rejection, disappointment, victimization and a demanding attitude. I don’t want any of those to possess my heart. Sometimes I get so locked in on something I want – something that just sounds way too good to be true … Read More Wanted
Sexual Healing
Looking back over my past big relationships, it’s interesting that sex (lack of) was a major issue in all of them. Whether it was distance, lack of interest on his part, or other things, I never seemed to match up with my partner in terms of frequency or fulfillment. During this time of self-imposed celibacy, I’ve thought about it a lot, actually, and I … Read More Sexual Healing
Here We Go…
This weekend was too short, but I’m looking forward to whatever the new week brings my way. As long as I can keep Fear at bay and stay with Love, nothing can hurt me. Nothing. The near future promises more changes – I’m a little breathless. Still lots of unknowns, but I’m doing my best to trust the Universe and open up to the … Read More Here We Go…
Hair of the Dog
Today’s 5k in the local country vineyards was a confidence-builder and a learning experience. It truly was a taste of the hair of the dog that bit me – in this case, the New Jersey Marathon. After 11 non-running days due to a strained hip muscle and other assorted shit, I haven’t felt too secure in my running improvements that I’ve made this year. … Read More Hair of the Dog