Here I sit, on the waning side of a great day, carb-loading and collecting my thoughts.  Tomorrow’s race is waiting for me on the other side of my dreams.

Yesterday was full of sweet surprises and I left the gym with a smile on my heart.  Coach wouldn’t let me do too much, and of course he was full of inspiration and encouragement for my big day.  It’s all I could talk about.
My body is doing all of the things it always does; this is my 5th round of this, and it’s the same story.  The carb-cravings and water-weight gain will benefit me tomorrow along the way, but it feels so wrong right now.  My phantom pains are wreaking havoc with my mental condition, but it’s par for the course, and I trust all will be well once my legs have permission to cut loose.  I probably shouldn’t have raced last weekend’s half marathon, but… I do what I do.
Eighteen weeks of training.  Four and a half months of sacrificing other weekend activities to do the thing I love the most.  That’s a long fucking time.  And here we are, on the eve of all the excitement and I can’t believe it’s finally here.
I spent a lot of time outside today, taking my final shake-out run and cleaning up in my neglected yard.  I struck a nice balance between productivity and not over-exerting myself.  Talked to my neighbors, ran some errands, and tried not to think only about marathons… Tomorrow I will come home and crash without guilt.   
Hopefully I’ll be able to walk on Monday – one day at a time.
I’ve learned not to be too full of myself.  You never know what can happen.  But I know I’m prepared.  I did my homework. 
I can’t say what ramblings will cross my mind tomorrow in the hours preceding the crossing of the finish line, but I do know for sure that I will be longing to see “that look” on Coach’s face if I can pull this off.  I know he’s proud of me no matter what, but “that look” is worth any amount of pain I may have to endure in my legs and lungs for 26.2 long miles.  “That look” will melt me faster than any qualifying time or gaudy medal, and I’ll be ready to take on my next big challenge in no time at all. 
“That look” reflects back to me how far I’ve come on this journey.  It reminds me that living in Love instead of Fear brings only good and wonderful things into my life and makes me strong.  (I have biceps, for godsakes.)  
I now know I am capable of extraordinary things.  No longer do I live in the shadows of Fear.  No more will I allow anyone to step on my dreams or sit idly in a corner crying my life away over someone or something that just isn’t worth it.  
I am a fucking Bad Ass.

One Comment on “Bad Ass

  1. This is the toughest day of training!!! Long runs are done, squeezing out time to train is done, the wait is over. Now is the time for your head to play tricks on you! And it will! Logic can escape you, doubt creeps in and confidence fights to keep both at bay! You wanna trust the training and you want to make coach proud of you. The last thing u want is to disappoint yourself and those who have helped u through your journey. Its a hellish day and an antsy day. You just want it to be tomorrow already…….Just getting this far makes u a Bad Ass!!!! Getting through this day makes u a Bad Ass and no matter what happens tomorrow you will always be a Bad Ass and can never disappoint anyone. 🙂

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