Obsession #1 – Running
I went for my first run in 11 days this evening. It was like the first time I put ice skates on at the beginning of the winter season – so unfamiliar and shaky. It’s such a fucking head game. I felt like a sad little girl who dropped her ice cream in the mud and was given another; I was part happy and part terrified that I’d drop it again, and it just wasn’t the same as the first one no matter what. My confidence was low, and my body was stiff. It was a very strange experience. I know my comeback will be 98% mental. Hard to believe the degeneration that occurred in such a short time.
Obsession #2 – Gym Time
Today was Day 3 of Heavy Work-Out Week with Coach. My energy level was sluggish, but Coach said it was to be expected and I will trust him on that. It feels funny to have low energy around him because most of the time I’m high as a kite. The circuits left me breathing hard and pleasantly exhausted. I enjoyed a hot sauna but tried to keep my head out of the Spartacus fantasies. It worked for a while, but I got wound up again this afternoon and as I’m settling in here this evening my mind is drifting…
Obsession #3 – Spartacus
My whole body tingles when I think of it. I’m being touched everywhere with no one laying a hand on me. How is that even possible? I get goose bumps and my stomach turns and tickles like it does on a steep downhill roller coaster ride. My face is flushed. I laugh all day; my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It takes tremendous effort to focus on anything else for any length of time – I always come back to this. I am absolutely obsessed, and I know that I am. The girl who likes to be in charge of everything has lost control completely to a gladiator, but not by the sword.