Coach was offsite today, and it was a good day for a rest. Tomorrow is supposed to be another serious workout, and I need to get to sleep shortly to be fresh and full of energy for that. I can’t wait.
I kept my mind busy today with a 6-mile run at dawn, various social visits at work, and a trip to the salon. I’m trying not to obsess.
It’s not working.
The Universe is determined to teach me how to maintain my happiness and serenity amidst the unknowns, and I’m getting a little bit better at it than I used to be. I have moments, at least, when I can just relax into the present and let the future take care of itself. But it’s just so damn hard when I want to control the whole fucking world.
Trust. It boils down to trust. Do I trust the Universe to have my best interest at heart? Hardly, after some of the bullshit jokes it’s played on me over the years. But someone reminded me recently that every single solitary thing that’s happened to me in my life thus far, has brought me to today. And today, I am… deliriously happy. You just can’t beat that.
I don’t think I would trade one miserable moment of my past life for any other path that would not have brought me here. This is where I belong. This is where my heart is happy. This is where I finally live and Love. Every tear – every painful step along the way – was part of this beautiful story, so how can I possibly wish it to be any different?
I never thought I’d see the day when I would breathe a silent “thank you” for my failed marriage that brought me to New Jersey.
Wow. I’ve come a long way, baby.