This afternoon I did a poor job of staying in Love, and I let Fear grab me. 

Fear brings the most horrible emotions with it – rejection, disappointment, victimization and a demanding attitude.  I don’t want any of those to possess my heart.
Sometimes I get so locked in on something I want – something that just sounds way too good to be true – and if the story doesn’t follow my script (which of course, it never does), I am lost and afraid.  I become distrustful and I think the Universe hasn’t had its fill of playing cruel jokes on me just yet.
Wanting something makes me vulnerable, and I hate that.  What if I never wanted anything, but just floated through life, letting the current carry me here or there?  That sort of passiveness sounds weak and pathetic to me.    
Wanting something, I thought, is about dreaming.  What about “if you can imagine it, you can achieve it?”  Wanting something puts a fire in my belly and gets me excited and moving.  It’s passion.  It’s desire.  It’s… devastating when I don’t get it.
So do I prefer never to want a thing and therefore never risk a loss, or am I willing to risk possible pain in exchange for feeling alive and acknowledging the wishes of my heart?  Of course I know the answer even as I type.  I cannot merely exist now that I know what it is to Live.  I will continue to want.  I will continue to hope and wish.
And for the times when I don’t get what I want, I’ll hold on tight to Love and try not to take the whole thing so goddamn personally.  

One Comment on “Wanted

  1. Wanting is a constant in our lives!!! We always want. Without want there is no hope, there are no dreams and we fall into being complacent. We just muddle through life and feel sorry for ourselves. Sometimes we want something so bad we work hard to acieve it. Sometimes we want something we know we can't have! Other times we want something that's possible tobhave but highly unlikely or not worth the effort to chase! We need want, we need dreams and hope. It keeps us alive and moving forward. We have all felt rejection and disappointment. It sucks but when we get what we want we can appreciate it that much more! Chin up Lisa! Great things are coming your way!

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