I’m standing on the edge of change, and it’s exhilarating and uncomfortable.  I don’t know what it looks like on the other side.  It’s so tempting to burrow down into a warm spot and just hang on until the ride comes to a stop, but at this stage of the game, I know it’s a better idea to throw my face out the window and take big gulps of air while the wind whips my hair around and the sun shines in my eyes. 

I’m excited.  And I’m scared.  And I’m a million other things.

After 5 years of a white-walled bedroom, I finally chose a color and decided to paint.  I realized during this grueling process that I definitely have a commitment problem.  I’m absolutely terrified of making a decision that I’ll have to live with, even if it’s only shades of grey that can be changed with the stroke of a paintbrush.

But in the end, I committed, and my walls are now a warm neutral that feels soothing and looks pretty.  It’s step one of many changes to come.

And the running…

My training runs have been tearing me down this summer like nothing I remember before.  I’m sure I’m battling some residual psychological effects from May’s marathon.  The weather has been hell – nearly literally.  And, I am tackling an Intermediate II training schedule.  But it’s something else that’s got a hold of me.  Something is shaking my shoulders and trying to wake me up.

What do I want to do next?

It’s a big question, and my answer will dictate the direction my training will go and the races I choose for the upcoming year.  The only part I know for sure is that I will run… I will grow, and I will be happy.

The video of Marshall Ulrich’s run across the country still moves me to tears.  I suspect the distance is where my heart is.  Running fast isn’t fun – it’s the bragging rights at the end that make it worth the nausea and the inability to breathe.  Running slowly lights me up and casts upon me some magic spell that opens my heart and helps me recognize Love when it stands before me.

But a BQ sure would be nice…

I had a comeback chest workout with Coach this afternoon, along with some heart-rate escalating circuit training.  Divine, as usual.  Someone asked me today what in the world we found to talk about for that long every day.  I don’t really know, exactly, but whatever he’s been saying to me is producing results, inside and out.  There isn’t a better coach on the planet.

And slowly, my world is changing from those old black and white movies to full, living color with booming Harman Kardon speakers and surround sound.  Once you’ve experienced that kind of excitement, you really don’t ever want to go back to the plain stuff.

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