I can’t count the number of times recently that I’ve stared at my computer screen, overwhelmed with emotion, unable to find words to express myself.  It’s happening more and more regularly; hence my posts are fewer and further between.

I’m lost in a world of unspeakable joy.

I want so much to tell the story – to clearly describe this transformation and my experience – but I’m blocked.  So day after day, I use silly overused words like “happy” to explain my state of being, which is so far beyond happy you probably couldn’t even imagine it.  And while my job as a writer is to create an experience in the reader with my words, I don’t have the vocabulary for this.  I just don’t.

But I finally feel whole.

In my miserable past life, I always dreamed of being in a place like this – where life is beautiful and bright and people are kind.  I wanted to feel safe and loved and… special.  I thought that safety came with guarantees and promises, that love came with conditions, and that feeling special meant I had to do everything bigger and better than anyone else could.  Instead, I found safety in letting go and taking risks, I realized love comes in loving, and I learned feeling special means simply being free to be myself completely.

While I can only take one day at a time, I certainly hope my beautiful new life is eternal, to match the incredible love my open heart holds.

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