I can’t count the number of times recently that I’ve stared at my computer screen, overwhelmed with emotion, unable to find words to express myself. It’s happening more and more regularly; hence my posts are fewer and further between.
I’m lost in a world of unspeakable joy.
I want so much to tell the story – to clearly describe this transformation and my experience – but I’m blocked. So day after day, I use silly overused words like “happy” to explain my state of being, which is so far beyond happy you probably couldn’t even imagine it. And while my job as a writer is to create an experience in the reader with my words, I don’t have the vocabulary for this. I just don’t.
But I finally feel whole.
In my miserable past life, I always dreamed of being in a place like this – where life is beautiful and bright and people are kind. I wanted to feel safe and loved and… special. I thought that safety came with guarantees and promises, that love came with conditions, and that feeling special meant I had to do everything bigger and better than anyone else could. Instead, I found safety in letting go and taking risks, I realized love comes in loving, and I learned feeling special means simply being free to be myself completely.
While I can only take one day at a time, I certainly hope my beautiful new life is eternal, to match the incredible love my open heart holds.