Month: November 2013

I Believe

One of the things that really bugs me about Christmas is seeing a kneeling Santa in front of a Baby Jesus.  I mean, I understand the sentiment, and it’s very clever, but both of those symbols have become such a commercial statement at this time of year – it kind of turns my stomach. Despite being tarnished with holiday greed, each of these – … Read More I Believe

Oh, My… Apple Pie

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone.  Now the Christmas that’s been simmering since Halloween will explode into a frenzy that will last until the New Year, and I won’t be fully recovered until sometime after Valentine’s Day. And so it goes. Holiday magic disappears in forced traditions and in the busyness of the season.  But I have found those lost moments of Christmases past … Read More Oh, My… Apple Pie

It’s a Wonderful Life

I was dreading the end of my forties.  It was a crazy decade with lots of drama, but it was by far my best one yet.  Empowerment, confidence, and a sense of Self came along and turned me into someone I always wanted to be.  My sex drive was no longer an evil curse, and my soul opened up like never before.  I found … Read More It’s a Wonderful Life

Thanks

Today I celebrated Thanksgiving with a big feast of yummy homemade food with a room full of very nice people.  I found myself in the kitchen until the wee hours of the morning last night, pouring my heart into a Martha Stewart chocolate caramel tart with a song on my lips.  It’s been awhile. This morning I donned my traditional Thanksgiving sweater, a sage … Read More Thanks

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

I’m so stuck in my past experiences sometimes that it’s hard to imagine a chapter could end any differently than those I have lived before.  But apparently they can.  And they do.  And I’m so relieved. He teaches me, consistently and patiently, to trust those who are trustworthy; he probably doesn’t even realize the impact he has.  He’s quiet and gentle and calm – … Read More Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

Burials, Babies and Ballrooms

It’s a big week for JFK history.  Everywhere I turn I see another documentary or story about the tragic death of America’s favorite president.  And as the country grieved all those years ago, my mother delivered her first child. They say we can absorb our surroundings even while we’re still in the womb.  If it’s true, then I was born into sorrow and confusion. … Read More Burials, Babies and Ballrooms

This Too Shall Pass

The tears were mostly gone this morning, but my face was swollen up in all sorts of ugly places.  As I struggled to recognize the girl in the mirror, yesterday’s ick came flooding back into my mind and the sadness returned. Thank goodness I had a busy day filled with mindless activity to keep my head out of too much trouble. I went out … Read More This Too Shall Pass

Charmed, I’m Sure

Today was a big disappointment.  My eyes are red and puffy, and I’m really not sure which part hurts the most. When I get into this kind of mood, my whole life feels fucked up.  I want to turn it inside out and upside down.  I want to run away to some beautiful foreign land, get away from all the shit, and just start … Read More Charmed, I’m Sure

Draggin’ My Wagon

I’m tired.  I’ve been tired since May, I think, but now that the weather is cold and dark, I’m really tired.  I honestly think the Universe designed winter so that we would sleep a little more and do a little less.  Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn’t seem to buy into the idea of 6 hour work days from November to March.  We … Read More Draggin’ My Wagon

The Glass Slipper Stiletto

I just finished my first 5-day training week in quite awhile.  Even though the mileage wasn’t terribly  high, my body aches in an “ooh, it hurts so good” way.  My food and weight are still in a funk, but at least my heart, lungs, legs and spirit are on the right track. I’ve been struggling for months now to give a voice to the … Read More The Glass Slipper Stiletto

Let Me Fall

It felt like that first bite of a warm, decadent chocolate dessert – indulgent and sweet on my lips and spine-tingling all the way down.  I lost myself in it completely, and if ever there was a perfect time to lose myself, that was it. Everything melted inside of me – body, soul, and mind together in a sea of swirling joy – the … Read More Let Me Fall

Morning Magic

I dragged myself out of bed even earlier than usual this morning to put in a midweek run and to keep a promise I made to Coach.  He’s pushing me – in a good way, like great coaches do – to get back to the thing that we both know lights me up inside and out. I dressed without thinking and headed out in … Read More Morning Magic