The tears were mostly gone this morning, but my face was swollen up in all sorts of ugly places.  As I struggled to recognize the girl in the mirror, yesterday’s ick came flooding back into my mind and the sadness returned.

Thank goodness I had a busy day filled with mindless activity to keep my head out of too much trouble.

I went out for 5 miles, against my will and my desire.  It was on the schedule, and I’ve been trying to be committed to the schedule.  It was an angry run, I must admit, and it didn’t clear up by the end.  My lunch fought its way back up, but I didn’t lose it, thankfully.  But I could taste the foul, bitter bile of anger and resentment in my throat and in my mouth as I pressed through the chill and wind in the countryside I usually adore.  Today it felt like the enemy with its hands around my throat, and I just wanted to sit down and throw up.

And my whole body is puffed up like a pasta noodle that sat in the water way too long.

I am uncomfortable.  I’ve been uncomfortable.  And while I keep thinking I’ve found the source of the problem, I really haven’t at all.  My body is not my own these days, and neither are my emotions.  The Universe controls them like a puppeteer, who, in its infinite wisdom decided that women my age haven’t been through enough pain and torture in our lives and need a dose of some really nasty stuff before we enter our golden years.  Thanks.  I’m pissed at you, too.

If I knew what would make me feel better, I would do it.  A vacation?  Maybe.  An ultra marathon?  Maybe.  Going to bed?  Yeah, probably.

Wait it out.  Is there really any other choice?

One Comment on “This Too Shall Pass

  1. You are too badass to let this win!!! A good night sleep? Yes! Tomorrow is a fresh start! Don't you dare give in to this Lisa!

    Like

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