As 2013 draws to a close, I’m finding it hard to believe that it wasn’t all a beautiful dream. I finally have the kind of happiness I always wanted – at least when it comes to the things that really matter. My closets will have to wait, but I never read any fairy tales that focused on clean closets anyway.
I had some big breakthroughs in my thinking patterns and learned to be happy while in the midst of extreme stress and lots of unknowns – some very, very big unknowns. Love and Fear duked it out, over and over again, starting with some life-changing events at work, followed closely by a race injury that left me with an ambulance ride to the finish area of my last marathon. These things pounded home my powerlessness, and pushed me to the very edges of my Trust in the Universe and of my confidence in myself. The recovery was slow and painful.
But this time I had just the right people in my life to provide support and encouragement, even when the night was dark and blacker than black.
And I learned that even while life happens around me – to me – I am capable of maintaining an underlying peace that surpasses all understanding even as I’m crying and shaking my fist at the sky. Love truly casteth out Fear. Love wins. I love Love.
I learned that Love isn’t exactly what I’d imagined it to be. The most wonderful part of Love is in the loving, which doesn’t mean sacrificing who I am for the sake of someone else’s happiness. Loving means I am completely, wonderfully free to be entirely myself with a fearless heart. The more loving I am, the more in Love I am. And so it goes.
I think that’s when the Prince enters the story, not before. When I wasn’t authentically loving – when I was doing and fixing and putting his needs above all of my own – it was always for a man who needed me to do and fix and make him happy. Real princes don’t need doing or fixing. The Prince is confident and strong and happy in himself, and I don’t have to focus on anything but loving. Sigh…
And he showed up, magically, exactly on time.
In 2012, I trained hard and my heart stretched and grew and opened wide. In 2013, I got to practice loving. I don’t know what 2014 has in store, but I vow never to live a life without Love ever again. Never.
Thank you, 2013, from the bottom of my big, open, happy, loving heart.