I thought more about what it is that I want.

Of all the things I started to list in my mind that I think I need or crave, I realize the thing I want most is to be happy.  That’s it – nothing more – just to be happy.
Sometimes I fool myself into believing that there’s a better life out there just waiting to be had.  A life that includes enough ravaging, regular sex to fill me up or contented evenings in front of a fire with someone I love.  A life of annual summer vacations and family events and…  The life those people over there have – yes, they have a story-book life in a very nice house with all the trimmings.  I want that life, and that will make me happy.
But all I see is what I imagine.  I don’t know if the life is really any different from the one I lead; I only believe it’s so.  
Maybe no one ever gets all of the things they want in a lifetime.  Maybe a sacrifice must always be made for the sake of anything that’s right and good.  Maybe we have to pick and choose because we’ll never ever have it all.  
Am I willing to sacrifice crazy, hot, emotionally connected sex for the consistency of a man who wants to spend his life with me?  Would I trade my health for closet full of Louboutin shoes?  Would I give up my home in order to travel the world?  
Why can’t we just have everything?
Or, maybe, if I can simply be present in my life instead of wistfully thinking about someone else’s, I would have that which makes me whole.

That is all there is.  All the rest is a mirage. 

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