Month: February 2014

Perfect Fit

Coach and I had a good chest workout today, followed by a few circuit sets that kicked my ass.  It amazes me how I can run so much and lift weights 5 days a week and still feel out of shape. I talked to Coach about that, and he understands what I mean… fitness is a phenomenon that doesn’t rely on a number on … Read More Perfect Fit

Shedding Time

In the interest of trying to become organized, I’ve created some chaos.  Okay… a lot of chaos.  My house looks like a tornado hit.  I suppose it matches the condition of my mind as of late, and I really hate looking at the mess.  I know it’s there – I don’t want to see it. It all started when I hung some blinds in … Read More Shedding Time

Fear is a Bitch

The bar has been set very, very high.  I’ll never be satisfied with a regular life again.  And that’s the beauty and the hell of it.  I have to figure out how to do this without Fear.  Fear is a mother fucker.   Love is everything.   Love is an open heart.  Love is thrilling and joyous.  Love is contentment with the world around … Read More Fear is a Bitch

Sunday Mourning

This morning I ran 15 miles through the frozen countryside.  The farmlands were brilliant at dawn with a fresh wisp of new snow atop the glacial remains of all the storms before.  All but the first and last 4 miles were treacherous ice and snow, and my mind was as exhausted as my body at the end from concentrating so hard on not falling. … Read More Sunday Mourning

Finally Full

I’m still a little tongue-tied tonight, but I miss the soothing soul-emptying exercise of writing from my heart before I go to sleep.  I just can’t find my words lately. In a group meeting I used to attend regularly, we began the hour by going around the room, introducing ourselves, and saying how we felt in a word or two.  How do I feel? I’m … Read More Finally Full

Nothing

My eyes are heavy and my soul is satisfied after a steaming hot bubble bath with lavender. While my heart is jumping, I feel as though I have absolutely nothing to say, and I wonder if it’s because I don’t know how to say it or because I’ve said all there is to say. It was a winter storm day here on the East … Read More Nothing

Abracadabra

He’s magic. He must be.  There’s no way in hell anyone could have made me feel better after the shitty day I just had.  But… he always makes me smile, even when I’m hunkered down for a long battle. I don’t know if I’m fighting ghosts or hormones or what, but I’ve just about had enough of it.  Time for Love to put on … Read More Abracadabra

The Eyes Have It

He says everything with his eyes.  I find the answers to all of my unspoken questions there. I can fool myself into believing that the accidental-on-purpose brush of my ass against his groin, the goose-bump-inducing whisper close to my ear, or his magnificent form is what gets me flushed and excited, but really… it’s his eyes. They speak without a voice, those eyes.  They … Read More The Eyes Have It

Rocking Chairs

Lately, all my friends’ posts on Facebook seem to center around their parents’ deaths and grandchildren.  I’m not ready for either of those events.  It’s so depressing to think about someone my age having grandkids.  Jesus.  I feel like I’m still a kid myself.  But a lot of us married young in Indiana; we were babies having babies.  And then those babies did the … Read More Rocking Chairs