I love the laziness of a Saturday morning with no kids to get off to school, with no work commute to face, and with a more relaxed running time that doesn’t have to begin at some ridiculous hour like 4:30 a.m. I love the groggy, half-drunk feeling of just waking up and watching dawn creep slowly into my bedroom, creating a glow of light between the slats of my window blinds.
I lie here under the piles of covers while the heat hums softly as it blows through the vents, and the dog stirs a little in his own bed and groans at the sound of the obnoxious honking geese who are getting an early start on their flight to somewhere.
It’s daytime, and I don’t have to do a goddamn thing right now except breathe.
The divine sensation of relaxing into the comfortable mattress… the rubbing of sleep from my still-tired eyes… the rise and fall of my chest with each breath… the twitching yearning between my legs that let’s me know I’m not dead yet…
My stomach feels hungry, and I know I’ll have to eat something before I put in my 8 miles for the day if I don’t want to bonk.
Other thoughts about the upcoming day begin to take over my mind, and I push them away – not yet. I’m not done with yesterday.
Sometimes a difficult conversation can take you to places you never imagined you’d go. I can spend months inside my own head, pondering a thought until the point of exhaustion, but one heartfelt talk with another human being can bring a swift conclusion to all the madness.
The world doesn’t operate according to my rules. In fact, all the rules seem to be crumbling before me like fragile pages of an ancient book. What’s left is a mess of pieces and I have to make sense of it all and decide how to proceed on my own with no “should’s” and “ought-to’s.” I have to define my own priorities and determine what’s important and what’s not – what I can live with and what I can do without.
The rule book was way easier.
I know that the most important thing for me today is to stay in Love. From there, I can make the best choices without a cloud of Fear obscuring my vision and my ideas. I can more safely separate my needs from my wants.
But tell me… who in this great big world doesn’t want to be loved?