I wound slowly through the cold, quiet countryside this morning as most of the world was still waking up. The sugar maples lit the path like street lamps with their neon-yellow canopies and carpeted the earth with layers and layers of gorgeous yellow leaves.
Somewhere in the second mile the tears came, and my emotions spilled out all over the country road leaving a long trail behind me. My whole life flashed in my mind like a movie trailer. All the hurts and disappointments – in myself and in others, the joys and discoveries and sweet lovely moments…
Fear – childhood pain, desperate decisions, the awfulness of being trapped in a bad situation and not being able to see a way out… Then… Love – hope and light, finding my voice, feeling cherished…
And the beginning of this running journey – treadmill walks that sometimes turned to brief jogs. A slow huff around the block. Longer… and longer… And…
Now I face my 6th marathon.
The runs have changed me, as they do. Running is dying. Running is living. The lovely harmony of my mind, body and spirit moves me and reminds me that if even one of those things is off-key, the entire song suffers. My heart opens wide and I have a moment of illumination when I see the Universe clearly and everything makes perfect sense to me.
My old self is crucified, and all the Fears with it. The suffering and pain is all for something bigger and more important – but it has to happen this way. There is no other path from here to there. Ridicule. Accusations. They only see from their limited view. They don’t understand.
And from death, Life.
Over and over and over again. Just like the farms, so goes the world.
“Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” ~ Luke 17:33