Category: disappointment

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

I’m so stuck in my past experiences sometimes that it’s hard to imagine a chapter could end any differently than those I have lived before.  But apparently they can.  And they do.  And I’m so relieved. He teaches me, consistently and patiently, to trust those who are trustworthy; he probably doesn’t even realize the impact he has.  He’s quiet and gentle and calm – … Read More Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

Charmed, I’m Sure

Today was a big disappointment.  My eyes are red and puffy, and I’m really not sure which part hurts the most. When I get into this kind of mood, my whole life feels fucked up.  I want to turn it inside out and upside down.  I want to run away to some beautiful foreign land, get away from all the shit, and just start … Read More Charmed, I’m Sure

The Agony and the Ecstasy

Not running is painful.  Missing 3 gym workouts is excruciating.  My body is still recovering from Sunday with an irritating hip twinge and very sore calves, of all things.  The agony of disappointment lingers, but I feel it evaporating with every slow sigh that escapes my lips. Coach gave his understanding and consent for me to entertain a brief mourning period, but I think … Read More The Agony and the Ecstasy

Morning Musings

I went to bed early and woke up at 3 a.m. to the sound of howling wind and worried a little about today’s run.  Then I slept again and stepped into a classroom story where I publicly bitched out the school system and America in general for subjecting my freedom to the government’s bullshit rules.  Not sure where that rant came from, but it … Read More Morning Musings

Trust Me

My eyes are puffy.  I’m wearing a very old pair of glasses while my contacts soak off some heavy duty tears.  I guess every day can’t be super-fabulicious, but wow, it’s so interesting to view these tearful episodes from a new perspective. Better yet, it’s astounding to get down to the basics and understand the fundamental reason for my upset, instead of blaming it … Read More Trust Me

Perplexing Sex

Following my company Christmas event, I find myself debating the age-old Good Lisa vs. Bad Lisa issue – again.   I spent a month in preparation.  I chose a short black retro-style dress with a cotton lace overlay and 3/4 –length bell sleeves.  I set a new record for my heel-height with gorgeous peep-toe platform stilettos from Steven Madden.  Jewelry was sparkling and simple and … Read More Perplexing Sex

The Ghost of Birthdays Past

I have glimpses of my second birthday party in my memory.  I remember sitting at Grandma’s table on a booster stool, staring at a beautiful carousel birthday cake of red and white icing with miniature molded sugar animals all around.  I remember Baby First Step in her sweet little dress.  And I remember throwing up everywhere.  Hence, the foreshadowing of birthdays to come. I … Read More The Ghost of Birthdays Past

Dealing with Disappointment

It only took me a couple of days to recover from the Crete-trip fiasco. After all, I was doing great before the idea even came across my radar screen. Nothing has changed. I noticed I have been looking for comfort in food this week, but I’m trying to reign that in and get back on track. As a completely unobjective observer of my own … Read More Dealing with Disappointment