The other night I had a sudden pang of loneliness as I lay in bed waiting for sleep to come. It hurt more than usual, so I let myself feel the sting of it, and then I got serious with myself. What was I missing? Did I really wish I had a man next to me? Really? No, I decided, that wasn’t it, because … Read More Whatcha Want?
One of my favorite routes This morning I headed out for a planned long, slow distance along one of my very favorite local routes. With actual temps in the low 30’s and a “feels-like” temp in the twenties, it was a chilly one. But the sky was a flawless blue, and the sun shone brightly and did its best to warm things up. I … Read More Only the Lonely
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationships – past and present and future. I feel a little bit sad. I want to believe that my marriage to Mr. N/A turned me into a temporary cynic, because I don’t want to believe that this is all there is. I hope I’m just having a hard time opening up my heart to meet that … Read More Faithful Food
This blog feels like a familiar stranger to me… like someone I used to know very well but who became lost in the shuffle of Life. And now here I am, shyly saying hello and wondering if I’ll have anything worthwhile to say to this entity that has shared some of my most intimate moments. How have I been? Depends on the moment. Sometimes … Read More Hello, Yeah, it’s been awhile… Not much… How ’bout you?
Sometimes I feel ashamed for being sad. I acknowledge the positive things I have in my life, and I am grateful a lot of the time. But sometimes, I’m just sad. Christmas was awful this year, and that’s not something I feel compelled to be very honest about when people ask me, “How was your holiday?” I want to answer that it sucked, really. … Read More Only the Lonely
My divorce has been final for nearly 4 years now, and I think I’ve effectively demonstrated that I can survive without a significant male in my daily life. I mow my own grass, I drill my own holes in the wall, I plant my own bushes, and I wash my own car. I can navigate the aisles at Home Depot with relative ease. I’ve … Read More Shut Up and Drive
This is the first time since I was about 14 (okay, maybe 12) that I haven’t had a boyfriend or a husband. I kinda like it, although maybe it hasn’t been long enough to tell. My relationships have been full of compromises – almost entirely mine – and I’m happy to take a break from sacrificing my wants and needs for those of another … Read More Shedding the Shell
I’m at home, alone, enjoying my first moment of complete solitude in over 3 weeks. I missed it. The kids will be back on Monday evening, just in time for our big New Year’s Eve bash. My feet would moan in delight if they could, each softly tucked inside brand new shearling slippers. The dog is happily squeaking one of his new balls that … Read More Alone Again
A comment from a friend on my previous post sent me into thinking mode this morning. I’ll refer back to my post about nourishment and belly fat… I automatically connected with my loneliness and lack of employment opportunity when I thought about being denied nourishment. But there is a much, much bigger, more important denial of basic needs in my life, and I can’t … Read More Are You my Mother?
And on the issue of weight and sex and such… I have so many thoughts on this subject. I will try to limit this post to one or two of them, because I think I could write volumes. It would bore you, and I don’t have that many hours to sit still and type today anyway. I don’t feel so sexy right now. At … Read More Spiritual Nourishment Fights Fat
I made it through the day yesterday, one minute at a time. I was not amused by the fact that I couldn’t even find a soup kitchen who wanted me for Thanksgiving. They were all “full” for their volunteer lists, but they would gladly take my money if I wanted to make a donation. I watched the kids pull out of the driveway in … Read More Alone on Thanksgiving